So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
The best revenge is premature balding
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
