I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
