My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
