I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
