Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm bleeding and have questions
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
