Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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