Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
