I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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