turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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