you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
