we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
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Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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