maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
