Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
