So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
