Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
