I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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