i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
