remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I need to align my fucking chakras
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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