yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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