3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
