I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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