Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
