I cockslap morals
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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