You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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