i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You ruined the universe
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
