i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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