no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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