What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
