Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
