in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
