I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
