i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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