Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
