There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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