i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
