i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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