Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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