; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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