I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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