So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
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Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
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My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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