Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
