I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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