Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Vodka?
Forever.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
