i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
