I feel like I'm in dance class right now
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
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you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
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i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory