Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?