you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
