i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.