she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So many bounce houses so little time
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake