tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary