everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?