There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is