R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
