farters have to be the big spoon...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
