I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
