she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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