I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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