I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
