I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
