i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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