Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
