I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
