I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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