dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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