and my herpes radar will keep us safe
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
