3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
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