yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
