So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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