I just made out with a guy for $7.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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