You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
