I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
