I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
