She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
