when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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