whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
