Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
