Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
