the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
