i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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