I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
