i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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