Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
