I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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